Being Seen

My first experience of Trans Day of Visibility was in 2020, just two years ago. It had already been several years since I’d admitted to myself that I was transgender, but I hadn’t involved myself in the trans community. This was partly out of fear of what I would find and partly out of fear of rocking the lifeboat. During fall of 2019 I stuck my big toe in the water by creating accounts on Twitter and Facebook (yeah…I use social media for geriatrics).

Since I was new to socializing as my authentic self, I was unaware of the trans community’s annual milestones including TDOV. My first reaction was one of confusion. I thought that the object was for us to blend in as the people we really are and not call attention to ourselves. Why would we wish to be visible?

I learned part of the answer that same day. Feeling that I should be walking the talk, I made a post in solidarity with TDOV on my old (man facing) Facebook page. The response was positive, but then Scott, an ass from my past, decided to weigh in. I wrote about the Scott incident in Keeping To The High Road. Suffice it to say that he posed a string of seemingly innocuous questions in the guise of a seeker of wisdom and truth but couched in the passive/aggressive language of the gender critical. After several attempts by family and friends to counter his nonsense, he was finally sent packing by my trans son’s trans partner. Case made; we really do need to be visible.

In the two years since, the list of reasons for us to be visible has grown. It’s not enough for us merely to persevere. We need to be active in the shaping of our future and this involves several distinct roles. Here are three of the more important.

• Conservators of the facts: The trans community faces three key challenges when it comes to facts: genuine ignorance, willful ignorance, and disinformation. Genuine ignorance can be easily corrected because so many ordinary people still know almost nothing about us. Being able to explain the facts calmly and clearly can dispel genuine ignorance. Willful ignorance (e.g., “I’m entitled to my opinion, and I don’t care about the facts”) can’t be fixed. It can only be contained so that it doesn’t spread. Disinformation is the most insidious of the three because the purveyors of disinformation know that that the information is not true but spread it to incite fear and anger to achieve some political end. We must be diligent conservators of the facts by calling out disinformation at every step. All too often the public discussion of “trans issues” takes place in a total vacuum of trans voices. This we must change.
• Role models: In so many ways, it’s easier to be trans in 2022 than it was in 1966. The medical community supports us, we have access to information, and we have community. Nevertheless, it still isn’t easy. We face an army of opposition in the form of religious and political bigotry every day. It’s most difficult for our trans youth. Many of these children know from an early age that they are not what they look like on the outside but face the opposition of their parents, families, and others. First and foremost, we need to be role models for these children. We also need to be role models for their parents by helping them to understand the inconceivable. At the same time, we can be much needed role models just as ordinary citizens in our communities. I have trans friends in almost every walk of life from sail making to rocket science all being productive members of society. In fact, we are even seeing trans role models in public service including Virginia Delegate Danica Roem and Delaware Senator Sarah McBride. Now that’s visibility!
• Activists: As we watch the growing number of U.S. States propose anti-trans legislation it’s vital that we not be demoralized and sit it out on the sidelines. We must be activists, and this requires visibility. Being conservators of the facts is activism, as is being a role model. But there’s so much more to be done. Activism is asking “How can I help?” every single day. Activism is staying informed, confirming the truth of the information, and then acting on it responsibly. Activism is using every opportunity possible to humanize something that so many people cannot comprehend but that we experience as a daily reality. We shouldn’t be brutal in our activism, but we must be aggressive.

Over the past few years, I’ve come to know a great many transgender folks like myself. I’m happy to call many of them friends, and some family. Most of my trans friends— trans women, trans men, and allies alike – perform these roles every day in varying combinations. One of my friends exemplifies all three. She’s a comedienne, and through her shows and TEDx talks is able to lay out the facts in an unvarnished fashion and be a role model for self-awareness and self-examination, all while performing the part of activist on the front line. To be able to tell one’s personal story to an audience of strangers night after night is activism indeed. Check it out here.

Being visible is vital to the trans community. I believe that how we are visible is equally essential because we are perceived by so many as a threat. Trans women are perceived as a threat to women in general, not just in women’s spaces. Trans people are perceived as a threat to social order and morality. We are perceived as a danger to our youth because we are “turning them” trans. Parents who are supportive of their transgender children are perceived as child abusers. All of these are gross misperceptions, but we must be ever so careful not to add fuel to the fire in how we are visible. While our visibility should be honest, factual, and even at times emphatic, we should guard against any perception of physical threat. In addition, our activism needs to be intersectional, ensuring that all marginalized voices are raised up by what we say and do.

Lastly, we need to remember to rest when necessary. No single one of us can carry the weight of the world on our shoulders alone. Only by sharing the load will we all be able to flourish as our authentic selves. If or when the day comes that our activism and/or visibility becomes overwhelming to us, let’s take a break and make some music, paint a picture, or maybe simply look at the sky.

I plan to celebrate Trans Day of Visibility by increasing the visibility of those friends and allies who have had a positive impact on me. I look forward to sharing with my community those friends who have gone out of their way to ask, “What can I do for you today?” Why? Because I wish to express my gratitude to those who have chosen to be visible before me. I hope you will join me.

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Do you remember your first Trans Day of Visibility? What other important roles do we have?